i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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