When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
