She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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