I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
