He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
