I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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