i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
