I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
