Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
