I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
