Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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