you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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