Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
