You made me cry and you don't even care
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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