you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
