Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
