I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
