Buhtt sex?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
