Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
