mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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