Don't EVER smell your tampon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
