He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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