I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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