i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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