no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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