There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
