remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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