You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
