he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
