Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
