so that wasnt chicken after all
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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