Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
