How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
