where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
