I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
