I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
