Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
