im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
