We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
