You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
