he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
