Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
