i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
