Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
