Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
