we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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