I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
