sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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