i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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