You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
