I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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