woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
