It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
