so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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