We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
