I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
