You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
