im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
