You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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