omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize