Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
