cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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