I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
