I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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