it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
These tits shall not be calmed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
