we're blogging at a bar
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
