Plan B is the new Plan A
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
