First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
