I cockslap morals
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
