you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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