Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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