Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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