Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
