God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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