if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
