their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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